It's about God

Hello all...
I have had a long week and a half. Going back to my church, riding new horses, learning new things... I'm pretty tired. But I want to share something with all of you.
After my friend's viewing I have had a lot of thoughts running full speed through my head. See, I know what it's like to be suicidal and I know what it's like to have large amounts of anger. The only thing I don't know is how it feels once you put them both together and pull the trigger. It is my christian belief, and I go by what the bible says, that suicides don't go to heaven. Honestly, knowing where they go is one of the reasons I'm not dead on this day. Hell is separation from God and God is all the joy and all the peace we get out of life. To be apart from that is plain miserable. Hell is flames of the hottest kind, you have no friends in hell... it's a very lonely place. Torment and pain is all you get in hell. No one goes there to party. You can see heaven from hell, I'd imagine that seeing heaven from hells perspective is the greatest torture, knowing that you could have had peace, and joy if only you had made the right decisions and choices. Instead you chose poorly and now you are in hell for eternity. I've always wondered what judgment day is like, when you face God ... what kind of thoughts run through ones mind. "Did I ask for the blood to be applied in this area" ... "oh no, I wonder if he is going to punish me for doing that" ... "Did I live up to His standards". You are standing before you're creator and He is about to decide your fate. Heaven or hell. You know in your heart what kind of life you lived... and you know whether or not you're guilty. If you are a christian than you have already confessed your sins and have had them covered by the blood of Christ... so when God looks at you He sees a good life - I'm pretty sure those people are so excited to see God face to face. But if you aren't a christian and you have never received Christ as Lord and Savior, and you have never confessed your sins, or have had the blood applied... God looks at you and sees that you never lived for Him. See, you can live life and be a good person... but without the blood of Christ and without giving your life to God, you cannot enter the kingdom of heaven. Christian's that have committed suicide get judged too ... suicide is murder ... and God said "thou shalt not murder". The blood was applied but you made a bad choice... you didn't follow God's calling. You pulled the trigger instead. My heart aches for the every one who has committed suicide thinking that they are going to a better place. That Christian that lead the good life, the Godly life... but got on edge and couldn't take it anymore. So they took their lives back from God's hands and said "No more". Juda's was one of Jesus' disciples - he betrayed Jesus and he went and hanged himself. He took his life back from God... then he couldn't handle it anymore, so he hanged himself. If people would just understand that all they have to do, is give their lives to God DAILY. Not once, or twice in a life time... but every day - give themselves to God. There is this peace and this joy that you get... that God gives you. Yeah, bad things happen, and the devil fights. But when it's all in God's hands ... the load of life gets so much lighter. I'll be honest, it's not all peachy. There are rough times... I'm not all the time peachy!! Sometimes I'm suicidal and I have to be hospitalized for weeks at a time. But I think of all the people who are like me who don't have God... I feel sorry for them. Because without God I couldn't handle it... the hospital visits, the medicines, the psychiatrists... God gives me my strength to get through those things. He's my hope... there are people around me who don't have that hope. Some of them don't realize it... some of them do and they are desperate for something or someone to help them. For a long time I lived in the desperate zone, I would cry out help to people and some people would hear me others wouldn't. I was addicted to drugs... that was my hope. "Ah, it's been a bad day, let's just go get high". "I don't want to live today, lets get high and not deal with it". Things got really shaken up in my life and I was without true hope. I hated life, I thought life was pointless and aweful. But God pulled me out of my situation and put me in a different city with different people... and then I was really desperate because I had nothing to cling to... no drugs, no alcohol!! I learned then to cling to God... to daily give myself to Him. Than the bad day happened - and I really struggled.. I wanted to die. So I slit my wrists a couple of times. I yelled "but God, I asked you to help me and to save me... is this what you call helping me?". That was me yelling at God... and you know what I got in return for my yelling? This incredible peace about my situation. So I went and found some horse to ride... and I made it through my drug detox. To this day, it's been two years since my last drug, and I still have urges. I still have a want to go find some drugs, or go drink my blues away. I still get suicidal - and yes some days I still want to cut. But I instead I turn to God and say "OK Lord, help me fight this battle". You might not think that I know what it's like, but I do. Drugs, alcohol, people... suicide... not the answer here folks. God is. It's unfortunate for my friend and for all those that commit suicide... all they, all YOU have to do is cry out to God and accept Him. That's it. It's so simple ... it's not easy ... but it's so worth it. Because God is all about love, all about peace, all about forgiveness. I'm all about God... I pray that you will be too. Don't make the wrong choice, don't let life pass and not know true joy. Don't go into an eternity of hell... live eternally in heaven, don't die. No more suffering is possible. God is the only way to do that.