Ex's, Mac N Cheese, Walls, Possibilities, And barter system

Have you ever heard the saying, "the possibilities are endless"? I have come to believe that this saying is true. However most people don't realize it.
My dearest ex is in prison and while it is true that he is in there for the next 14 years, it is also true that he took my heart with him. So, you say, that means your heart has been imprisoned? Well it's only theoretical. I have written to him several times, and he always writes me back telling me of life in prison, while I write him about life on the farm. Every time I write him I try to give him a little bit of a glimpse of life outside of four walls. Often times I tell him of my adventures on the farm and what life entails as a farmer. Many times I catch myself rambling about horses (imagine that?) It is quite funny when he writes me back as he tries to make life sound interesting, but talking about life in a cell can only be so entertaining. I appreciate his outlook, because many people who are in prison for that long of a period tend to loose sight of hope, he always talks about how one day he will get out and he will make things right. And when he talks about it, it always makes me think "the possibilities are endless" - how refreshing is that coming from a man who is going to spend the next 14 years in prison?? It saddens me when I talk to certain people who are not in prison and they say things like "I've lost all hope" or "the dream has become a nightmare"... it makes me think of my ex... and I always think to myself "here these people are running free saying they have no hope, and here my ex is in prison... talking about future plans and holding tight to his release date!" What is the world coming to?
Boxed Mac N Cheese is by far my favorite thing to eat... while it has nothing in it that is good for you... it serves as a nice midnight or midday snack. The other day my Mom was shocked and nearly had a heart attack, when I went to the food store and bought my own Mac N Cheese, came home and fixed it myself. She swore I was ill, I wanted to look at her and say "The possibilities are endless"!!! Maybe one day I might clean my room or make my bed. You know me, always trying to give my parents hope for me!!!
Speaking of possibilities there is one for me getting a training job at a local hunter jumper farm. I turned in my resume and now I'm waiting for some kind of response. The job would entail me training horses, and teaching lessons. Which would be ideal for me. I've worked at several barns, and have trained many horses. The ideal setting for me to train at would be my own farm... I am my fathers daughter and it seems like the genes don't do well with someone else telling them what to do!!! My boss here at the Rent All knows who really is in charge (ME) and let's me be the boss most days. I guess that's why I've been able to stay here for five years!!! Unless I get this job, or my own farm lifts off the ground, I guess I'll be here at the Rent All fixing engines and doing brake jobs... until further notice. Hope they have a retirement plan!! But I seriously doubt it, but hey, the possibilities are endless.
Have you ever seen the video of horses at the Washington International jumping the Puissance? Go youtube it... they have this "brick" wall that they gradually build up. Who ever jumps the highest wins. The current record is 7'3, the rider holding the record is Red Skelton (not the comedian). Some times it feels as if I am in front of the Puissance wall, galloping at it, with a horse under me that knows as much about jumping as I do about the flying trapeze. And if you know me, you know that I do not know anything about the flying trapeze. So my only option at times is to dig my spurs into the side of that horse... and hope to God that he doesn't refuse!!! Recently there was a wall in front of me, that I couldn't see over or around... and I had only one option and that was to dig my spurs in and pray hard that I make it. Sure enough I ran towards that wall.... and I thought to myself the possibilities of me making it over are slim to none!!! Then I landed on the other side and realized that the possibilities are truly endless. I didn't count my chickens before they hatched, but I didn't quit dreaming about making it over that wall either.
Life in general can be a challenge. People are the biggest problem with life. If it weren't for them I'd have a rather easy life. Them and money. Money is like luck... some days you have it, some days you don't. And it's the days you don't have it that a horse gets hurt and you have to call the vet. I read an article recently about a lady in Germany who lives strictly off the barter system. She has lived without money for 16 years... and you know she doesn't miss it? Most people think if they had more money life would be better. But doesn't the Bible talk about money being the root of all evil?? If we had more money, we would go broke. It is a little know fact that most people who win millions in the lottery go bankrupt in two to three years. How you ask? What do you do when you come into a large sum of money?? Buy the biggest and the best stuff?? Go out to eat at the finest restaurants? Very often times we get money and we go waste it on stuff we don't really need, but instead we spend it on things we want. So after reading this article on this woman who lives off the barter system.... I thought to myself... How ingenious. So I tried it... I went a whole day living off the barter system. You know I paid off two bills, and got riding lessons out of the deal?? Imagine that. I was so proud of myself. All without money. If only the feed store used the barter system?? LOL... as for people being a problem... eh... you can't fix stupid and you can't trade stupid people for useful things!!! Trust me, I tried!!

May 30 2012

This year I turn 25. Yes, believe it, it's true!! And when I think about my life as it is, I always wonder what the heck I was thinking when I was younger. When I was young, I always thought that by the time I was 25, I'd be married, have my own land, with only the nicest horses, I'd have money and that I would be graduated from college with a biology degree. Haha - yeah so much for that!!! Currently life as it is ... is the complete opposite. I never pursued my degree in biology due to failing chemistry twice. While I rent land, I don't own any. I'm broke. And while I have nice horses, there are always better. As for the married, that's a joke. Can we say single?? But life as I know it now, is doable. I am currently in college pursuing a degree in auto-mechanics (I know what you're thinking, from biology to auto-mechanics?? Haha yeah that's me!!) This spring semester I'm taking diesel mechanics and emissions diagnostics. While I could be bitter that life didn't turn out quite like I had hoped it would, I find myself being ever so grateful for life as it is. If I don't stay grateful, I get high. And if I'm high, I lose everything. As of April 21 2012, I will have been clean for 2 years. I have hit this mark twice, and both times have found a way to sabotage it. But I'm determined. My habit of sabotaging things and life in general, has ceased to exist. While some people, who will go unnamed, have said I am throwing life away. It just simply isn't true. Four of my six horses are for sale, four very nice ones in fact. I haven't given up on the dream of owning really nice horses, but these aren't the ones that I need to keep. Despite what some may say!!! So turning 25 in a few months makes me think about my dreams and hopes for the future. While when I was 18 I wanted to be a biology major, being 25 has different ideas. Farming is my life goal; beef cattle, dairy goats, alpacas, pigs, and of course hunter jumper horses. Arabian horses are NOT my thing. While I missed showing on that circuit, I found that I just didn't fit there. I belong with the warmbloods, and thoroughbreds on the hunter jumper circuit. I bought a new horse in November 2011, a Paint horse. You say, "That's not a warmblood or thoroughbred... that's a stock horse". Yes that's true. But he has the same temperament of a warmblood, and is just as big!!! He is palomino paint, with blue eyes and he's a stallion. He moves flat kneed like a hunter and is bred out the wazoo. Can we say APHA World?? Yes, I think we can!!! :) If I don't like showing APHA, I can show him in the open hunter circuit. The arabian I have, took me to Nationals, and come to find, it's just another arabian show!! No big deal, nothing spectacular. Which when I said that people were offended. Ha... oh well!!!
My horses are a part of my well being. They keep my pride humble, my pockets empty, and when I need a good thrill they always provide!! My dreams now consist of one day maybe get married (I hope he's handsome, rich and is a farmer at heart!). Eventually buy some land and have my animals on it with a one bedroom shack for me. Train horses full time and work on the farm. I dream of only going out when I need grain, or need food. OR When I want to go to a show :) Other then that, I can just stay on the farm and say " to heck with the rest "... 25 here I come. In case you are wondering, you didn't hear from me at all in 2011... simply because I was working three jobs trying to make ends meet and riding 15 horses a day!! I went to a show every weekend. On the week days I was working from sun up to sun down... and when I would come home I would sleep!! So my apologies to my readers for not keeping you updated. It was a good year, but this 2012 is going to be FAR better... you will see.

Things that I'm not allowed to say on FB

Due to certain acquaintances being my friends on FB... I can't post this there. BUT... some people irk me to no end. People that say things like "I don't work because there are no jobs"!! That really irks me. There ARE jobs, you're just too lazy to go out and find one. Then you go to people like me who work TWO jobs... and ask for money from them... get off your lazy rear end and go find a stupid job!! And sure as heck don't let me hear about you living off the government... because that will NOT make me happy!! But you're not living life to make me happy ... that's obvious... but you should live life to make yourself happy and I know that being broke and sitting on your rear all day can't make you happy!!! Because while it is true I might be broke, I work and do things to make money... it just so happens that I have eleven needy children (aka animals) that demand that I feed them two to three times a day... and two trucks that don't run worth a crap... and one of my jobs only pays minimum wage!!! So I have something to say to that person who keeps asking me for money.. go find a bridge... and don't pretend that I'm there begging you not to jump!!!! Because trust me that's not the case!! :) And I say that with all the love I can stir up in my, so called, black heart!!!
Once more, please, leave me and my horses to mind our own business. We don't go around snooping into your business and would appreciate if you would do the same!! But you can't can you?? Because you LOVE drama... and you LOVE stirring up trouble... and you LOVE gossiping. DON'T tell me you don't because I've known you a long time, and I know you. It's funny that I can know you so well, but you don't know me at all!! All these years and you still think I'm the bad guy. But what the real story is... is that you my dear friend need a reality check. You live in this world where everyone owes you because you THINK your a do gooder! But you my dear friend are NOT a do gooder... You are the type of friend that does good for other people with the expectation of them giving you something in return!! That is a person that is out for one thing and one thing only and that's fame and fortune. But you my dear friend will never find this fame nor this fortune because while it is true that the wicked prosper... you aren't that lucky!! It is true that your bad luck runs deep... could it be karma coming back to haunt you?? Yeah we all know what people say she is!!!
Let me tell you about me... those years that we were apart. I worked hard every day, I made my way, I fed my horses... I showed them...and if I remember correctly every time it was my horse against yours... mine placed ahead?? Then you tell me that I don't know what I'm doing?? HAHA... yeah, that's a proven point isn't it? Just saying!!! You say I keep my horses thin, have you ever thought it's because I rescue most of my guys and may I remind your forgetful self it takes YEARS to bring them back?? I feed my horses the BEST grain, the BEST supplements, I keep the up to date on everything, AND mine are all in a conditioning program that I designed. You say I rush my horses, I think it took me a year to break Blossom, and eight months to break Roxy!!! Those years that we were apart, my horse Jack scored 70's in dressage tests! I trained with some of the best trainers and learned things you have no clue about!!! I have ridden reining horses, REAL saddle seat horses, I have ridden up to Prix St George, I have jumped 5ft without thinking about it!!! Have YOU done any of that? Do you have the experience I have?? I don't see you knowing how to do sliding stops and stick them, I don't see you jumping any and everything with out fear, I don't see you getting on crazy saddlebreds bareback, IN FACT - I don't see you riding anything!!! Oh except for your couch!! Momma T tell me, am I being too harsh?? LOL No, I don't think I am... because see what I say about you is truth. While what you say about me is a bunch of bull. You don't like me getting top ten even though I fell off?? Only cause you didn't fall off and still they didn't place you!! You don't like me having a stud horse?? That's only because he is nicer then yours. All of them in fact. Last but not least you don't like me getting into other farming besides horses? What are you afraid I might actually make something of my farm instead of letting it go down the drain?? Yeah, THAT you should be afraid of. Because I WILL prove to you that I am somebody who knows something about what I do best. I WILL prove that everything you say about me to other people is a LIE. AND I will be someone. Not because of what you did to me, for me, whatever you want to call it. But because of WHO I am!! I AM Kristan Underwood... and one day your going to need me... and guess what?? I'm going to be there. Not because I like how you treat me, not because I need you... not because I want to be there... but because that's the kind of person I am. I'm not the rob peter to pay paul type... I'm more like turn the other cheek. I promise... and my word is good.. that I will be someone despite of you!!