Praise and Worship

I just got back from an amazing concert! OK - so it wasn't THAT amazing... but in a way it was. Have you ever had a time in your life where you were doing all the right things but everything was still going wrong? I was wanting to write a book earlier this week called "Doing all the right things the wrong way". Because that's how I felt!! But tonight was an eye opening night for me. See I've been struggling with my disease of addiction and with my bipolar... my meds are being changed, my sponsor is trying to get me to work the 12 steps (well not all of them at once just one of them), I decided that I'm not going to school (yeah big surprise there. What makes it even better is that a friend my mine just graduated with the degree I wanted. Why is that a problem? Because I've worked harder than she has at horses and I can prove it), I've been really depressed and needy, and to top it all off I'm in love with a guy that is headed to prison in two months!! Good job Kristan!!! This concert... was a christian concert and mainly what happened was that Va Tech got a bunch of college students together and a couple bands and praised God for two hours!! The bands were good... if I couldn't ride horses I would be a professional musician. But thank the Lord that I can ride horses! But what I got out of the whole thing was "wow God ... my focus is WAY off!!" God just moved in a way and spoke to me so loud and clear in that auditorium. He said "Kristan, It's about ME!!". The bands kept saying 'Let's make Jesus Famous' that was kind of the theme. And my thought was "Here I am and I'm so focused on .. NA and the 12 steps, and medication, and school, and horses, and etc... all I need to do is focus on God and He will work everything else out and I don't have to do all this work!!" - I kind of laughed at myself. Because it's so simple! You know, life was getting too complicated because I was trying to better myself by relying on the 12 steps to get me straightened out and by relying on meds to keep me sane. This one song tonight said "Jesus you are my sanity"... and it clicked and I was like OMG!!! That is SOOOOO true. There's even a Bible verse that says God will make you sane and that's what he wants for you. It's in 1 Timothy I think. So here I am saying to myself "doing all the right things the wrong way"... well it's TRUE!! I was... and now it's time to refocus. God is the answer. He's the answer to my depression, to my addiction, to my bipolar... He may not take those things away but He can and He will make them bareable! All I have to do is focus on Him and give Him number one priority and make Him the center of my attention!! Let me tell you, I haven't had a center to my attention for while!! It's been everywhere - and not really focused. He... is amazing. He took my sins, bared them on a rugged cross, died in my place... and here's where some people get lost but He rose again! Stared death in the face and simply said "you lose". How amazing is that? He won the war and now we can live free from the chains that bind us... if we choose to follow Him!! Now, my frustration (because you know I had to have one) - is that not everyone chooses to follow Him. Some people hear about it... know about it... even been to church a few times... and it's still not a big deal!! People... God is a BIG deal! Heaven or hell... REALLY BIG deal!! Living life God's way is so much better than living life the world's way!! Because God blesses beyond what you could imagine when we're faithful! What gets me is you bring God up to these people... and they don't want to hear it. They need to hear it... they would change their minds about God if they would listen with an open mind and an open heart! But Just like you can't force anyone to stop using drugs, you can't force anyone to believe in and have a relationship with God!! For those of you reading.. God Just wants to Love you and have a relationship with you!! That's all... He wants the best for you. His love is endless, even when we are bad... He still loves us and has compassion and the minute we ask for forgiveness he forgets about it and forgives us!! It's simply amazing and wonderful.
Now... I'll get off the pulpit... I am just simply revived because of the wonderful praise and worship I was in tonight!!