REALLY GOD???

Have you ever just sat back and looked at your life and wondered, "Really God??" - The Big Man upstairs has such a sense of humor. So we make plans and He sees them and if we are wise we pray about them. Then you get so close to having it work out just as you had planned it and PSYCH!! JUST KIDDING!! It almost never fails! But is it God saying no, or is it God saying "I have better plans for you"? Let's talk about alpaca's... I have decided to not go finish my college degree and instead be a farmer. When deciding what kind of farmer I wanted to be I went through my head of all the types of farmers there are. I do not have a green thumb. So anything having to do with weeds and plants is a no go! I worked on a dairy farm long enough to know, there is no money in dairy and it's more work than it's worth. I already do the horse thing... but I don't consider that to be farming. So what's left?? Sheep are stupid. Goats stink... however Alpaca's... good money, easy up keep. Yeah I think I'll go with alpaca's. Do you know how much money it takes to buy an alpaca? And that you can't just buy ONE alpaca you have to buy TWO or THREE!? It adds up fast. That's no big deal because we are a people of debt. Right? So let's just go in debt for several thousand and see how it works for us. I was OK with this plan... I didn't completely like it, but I was going to do it to get what I want. I was a week away from signing the contract on my lovely alpaca's when God all of the sudden said "Mmmm.... no". Can you say BIG DEPRESSING PROBLEM!?!?! So NOW what ... I call the shrink, I call the therapist... life was over - the dream had been crushed. When all of the sudden my Dad (good ol' Dad) says "Get something to make some money so you can get the alpaca's later". I thought on it a while... and to craigslist I went. Searching for some kind of animal to make money off of. When it hit me... PIGS!!!! Ten baby pigs for sale!! Now, when it hit me that I could be a pig farmer... I laughed. Really God?? So I called the lady, and bought four baby female pigs!! Hampshire/yorkshire crosses. Cutest things you have ever seen. A week later... I'm Soooooo excited about getting baby pigs!! Like, I'm more excited about the pigs than I was the alpaca's. To be honest... the alpaca's made me nervous. Because they were so expensive and even though they come insured... I was still not sure how I felt about taking care of something that costs so much money! Pigs are a different story. I'm being super careful about my pigs, but I'm not nervous about it. So I find myself laughing at the fact that as of Monday I will be a pig farmer... and at the fact that I'm so much more comfortable with God's idea! I find myself saying... REALLY GOD???

talking out loud

I was sitting here thinking (out loud, mind you) that it had been a while since I had blogged.
The need to write something out has not bitten me in the butt lately and if I've had something to say... I have just been saying it! Which, by the way, does not always go as well as I have planned for it to. If looks could kill, I'd be dead!! But let's just thank the Lord that looks don't kill and I'm still alive!
There isn't much to tell you besides the fact that last month I was training 10 horses. This month I have 8 but 4 of them are mine. This year has been kind of rough as far as training is concerned. I have had all the bad horses it seems. Sure there is Jack who is perfect. But there is also Shorty - the 17'h monster who bucks instead of canters. There is Roxy who rears when she gets frustrated. There is Bob who we aren't sure what he does that is bad, but we have a feeling it has something to do with bucking and taking off!! There is Marley who hasn't been touched in 4 years. There is Fly who you have to ride in a certain saddle or he trips out. I could continue - but I think you get my point. There is no such thing as a bad horse... there are dumb horses and there are smart horses. Some are a little too smart. I haven't decided which horse is what. I have 6 horses up for sale - Bob, the black quarter horse gelding. Shorty, the 17'h monster, Keeta - who I really don't want to sell. Roxy, who I really don't want to sell. Fly - who I will pay someone to take (just kidding), and Seeker - who is free to a good home!! Jack went to his first jumping show and he placed 3rd out of 10. Not bad for a little arabian in a thoroughbred world. He scored a 70 on his dressage test ... and jumped a clear round. I was soooo proud of him. Next show is in Sept. I can't wait. Keeta went to her first show - she placed 4th in halter. I was just proud of her for standing tied to the trailer all day! Fly has yet to go to his first show - he is in training with me now and before he sells he will go to a show!! He might kill me, but that's the chance you take. Roxy is my newest addition. She is beautiful. I have been training with a dressage trainer and she has been helping me do the ground work with Roxy. I can't wait to get on her back. She is a big hanoverian mare with tons of personality. She can be difficult at times but for the most part she is a good girl.
Life. Is. Good. We all have heard that saying before, and many of us have said it. But do we really know what that means? Life. Is. Good. Yes, it is and I'm grateful for every new day that I get to find something else to get into! But what does good consist of? Is it the text message that makes you smile, the horse that gives you the perfect ride, the vehicle that has 300,000 miles on it, that still makes it from point a to point b. Or is it the person that rakes on your ever so fragile nerve endings, the horse that rears up in the air and causes you to land on your bad hip, or the dog that has fleas? All of this stuff is what I'm talking about when I say Life. Is. Good. I didn't say life was perfect... I just said it was good. But is it good because of the things that happen from day to day - or is it good because of God's mercy and blessings in our lives? I've learned that life is not about the every day stuff... life is about God. So when I say Life. Is Good.. what I'm really saying is God. Is. Good. Without Him, nothing is possible but with Him all things are possible.

Somethings just not right...

Have you ever had one of those days where you were so busy but at the end of it all you realize that you got absolutely nothing accomplished? That has been my day!!
So, I am now the proud employee of a dairy farm - it's a very cool job. I LOVE farming. Animals are far easier to deal with than people - even the animals that poop on you. Which, in a dairy farm, I have found that this happens a lot!! I know, gross right? For sure. This is why my mom makes me go straight to the bathroom to take a shower as soon as I walk in the door. But it's fun. The only thing I dislike about this job are the hours. 6 in the morning, REALLY? But it's all good. So now the typical day in the life of Kristan is as follows - 6am go to work, 10am come home from work, 10:30am go to second job, 2pm come home from second job. 2:30pm go to barn, 7pm come home from barn... if it's meeting night, go to a meeting. If it's not, do homework. And somedays, I go to school instead of work - which by the way, I would rather be getting pooped on by cows than sitting in a class room listening to professors yak about whatever they yak about. But, since I told my wonderful Gmom I would make good grades, I will do so.
In other news my psychiatrist let me go off my meds... all except for the ones that make me sleep. I'm super excited about this. Some people I know were not excited about this. But they can get over it. I enjoy my slightly manic state - I get so much accomplished and it's like I'm the energizer bunny - I keep going and going and going and going and going... etc. It's a lot of fun, I have been in this really good mood too. It's a beautiful thing.
Horses are a whole world of their own. I jump from world to world... currently the horse world is a little hectic. Lot's of horses that need to be ridden and only one Kristan! But, do you think that really bothers me? Nah!! I love it... I would rather be super busy in my horse world, than to have nothing to do. So I started training this HUGE horse named Shorty. He is an appendix quarter horse that stands 16'3 hands tall. He is a giant. He has not cared about having someone on his back, until you push him. He's been under saddle for almost two weeks now and I still cannot get him to canter. All he does is buck!! It's a lot of fun. Sitting up there on this giant horse that would just assume to buck you off rather than to canter. I would even take a lope at this point. Than I'm riding this little tennessee walker named Magic? Some of you might remember him from last year. Well he is for sale so I'm working him a couple times a week until he sells. He is a really fun little horse... Had someone come to look at him today but they were more interested in talking to me about training the horse they already have rather than looking at Magic. My little sister is working a horse named Flash - a little palomino quarter horse... he is also for sale. Someone was supposed to come look at him today but they never showed up. Than there's Max... who decided today that since someone was there to look at him and possibly buy him, he would just be lame!! Yeah, the day before yesterday we were jumping a course of 2'6 ... he wasn't lame then. I longed him before the people came... he wasn't lame then!! But as soon as I got on that horse to show him off... he went lame. I was like" You little devil". The good news is that the girl still liked him a lot. So the vet is going to be called and hopefully she will just say "he was faking it" and I can call the girl and tell her to come buy this stupid animal! I am soooooo ready for that horse to be gone. I rode Jack today - poor guy... he is such a sweetheart... and a very hard worker... but sometimes he has brain farts. We were jumping and the jump was in the middle of the arena... so he thought that he could just run out instead of jumping it. Oh how he was so wrong. Not only did I ride him over it several times, but later on in the day I also longed him over it. He got the hang of having to go over the jump. I also had the chance to ride Blue. I rode him in the field... he is so fat!! I rode him for 20 minutes and he was done! He couldn't have taken any more... and I wasn't going to push him. Show season starts in a week - woo hoo!! Blue's first show is April 10 and Jack's first show is April 3. Hopefully they will both do well. I thought about taking Jack to the show on April 10 as well... but I'm not so sure he will be ready for such things.
Have you ever felt like your day needs another 8 hours in order to do everything? That's how my days are! If I could extend them 8 extra hours... I might actually get everything accomplished. I'm super excited because tomorrow is Sunday and I get to sleep until 9am!! But seeing that I still have that paper to write... I'm guessing I won't get to bed until late.
I never talk about my dog - but let me tell you about her. She is very fat... and lazy. She has to be the laziest border collie EVER!!! If she's not sleeping, she's eating... so to give you an image of what she looks like - imagine the typical black and white border collie - now put it in the body shape of a fat tick!! That would be Nabisko. I decided to put her on a diet... so she is no longer eating regular dog food - I am now cooking her chicken and rice with garlic and green beans. She thinks it's a special treat, ha if she only knew.
You know what I hate? I hate people who are jerks... I told a friend the other day that jerks are only jerks because they don't like the fact that I'm better than they are!!! No, my head really isn't that big. I just talk big... I don't really think like that - but I did have a moment when someone was being a jerk that I did think they were doing it because they were jealous of me. Then I checked back into reality and realized... come on, who would be jealous of ME?! Walk a mile in my shoes and see if your jealous at the end of the day!! Who knows, you may enjoy yourself... I enjoy myself most of the time. But if you stress easily you may not want to walk in my shoes... it could potentially be stressful. The cool thing about me is that I don't let it get to me. I can't, I would end up in St Albans if I did. So I take on this carefree attitude... and sit back and enjoy the ride. Funny thing about riding is that eventually you fall off. And what do we do when we fall? We get up, dust ourselves off, and get back on. There's really nothing else, that is useful, to do except to get back on. Am I prepared for the fall? Well, no one is ever really READY to fall... but after a while you learn how to fall. Now, Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I'm ready for anything and that I can handle anything... not saying that. I'm just saying I'm not going to just crash and burn.
New thing... well, not really knew, but I just realized it. So last night I was going to bed and I haven't been to the gym lately because I haven't had time. So before I went to bed I did some simple exercises that I normally do on the mats. OK - I talk to myself in my head when I exercise, just to keep me going. Because let's face it, when you exercise you get tired... and when you're tired all you want to do is stop. So I give myself pep talks. (No laughing) OK last night I was doing this and the phrase that went through my head was "You are stronger than this". When I was finished I was thinking about what my head had said - and I thought of all the ways I try to be strong. I try to be strong physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally... I like to put up the front that I am strong. I don't like being seen as weak. But reality is that everyone has their weak points. My new thing is to work the weak points more. Will I ever be truly strong? Probably not... I'll always have weak points. But I'll try like heck to be strong.
OK, now I'm rambling so it's time to end this.
PEACE

Relationships

It's been a long time since I've blogged, or so it seems...
It has been a crazy life here recently. I bought a beautiful new Arabian horse that we call Jack. His real name is Van Helsing... but that's a mouth full so. Show season is only five weeks away. I'm super excited. I'm keeping my little Hancock filly, Keeta. And Max is still for sale... Praying he sells. Borrowing a horse for eventing, a little paint horse named Blue. I've never ridden him but I've seen him jump and he is pretty cool. Oh, this year some exciting stuff going on - 20 mile trail ride on Jack. Training is starting to pick back up - possible new job at a dairy farm! VERY excited about that... new career goal change... I'm not going to be a vet... I just want to be a farmer. So that's what I'm going to do. Pigs, goats, sheep, chickens, ducks, donkeys... :D
I wish that life were all horses... I'd be the happiest most content person EVER!! Today has proved that life is not all about horses. My life was perfect today until I left the barn!! Life is about relationships. Relationship with people, relationship with God, relationship with family. Many relationships all in one life. Fortunate for me, I don't have to deal with a boyfriend or husband or any signifcant other. I have a hard time with my relationships with people... last night - something happened that freed me up soooo much. I told someone something that had been burdening me, and I got it off my chest FINALLY!! I did something for me. The problem is - that no one in the meeting I was supposed to be in... was OK with me doing this. Today everyone I talked to that was in that meeting, made me feel like I did the wrong thing. But someone also told me that feelings aren't facts. The fact is - that I did the right thing for me. I could have sat in that meeting, and probably would have gotten something out of it... but it was my choice not to. This one choice has had a big effect on my relationships with those people in that meeting. These relationships... that I need... have become something that I want to turn off. Ha - do you know what I mean? Just flip a switch and turn it off. These relationships are a must for me to keep though. As hard as they can be... but what doesn't destroy you will make you stronger... right? BUT - you push me hard enough, you say the wrong things to me long enough, you do something that hurts me enough - and you're going to see something in me change. ... These relationships have taken a rough turn... maybe I messed up... but then again maybe I didn't. I know I'm not perfect and I know that it's hard to know me sometimes. But who isn't at times? So that change I was talking about - here's how it's going to go... my Dad tells me all the time "always be of a good report" - it's actually in the Bible that way... so no it's not an all Dad original. I've heard in my meetings to "pretend until you are". (and you all didn't think I was listening, you'd be surprised) - Now, I'll be honest, I thought about just shutting down and not talking to these people that have hurt me. But that's not Christ like... so I'm going to start being of good report. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to lie... but my little sister and I were talking today about wallowing - and I'm bad about this. I'll wake up in a mood or with a negative thought and I'll wallow in it all day long. From now on I'm not going to be my mood or my thought - I'm going to be of good report. I'll find something in my day to say something good about, and if I can't - I just won't say anything. If I have a problem, that's what I have a counselor for, isn't that what all you people that I try to talk to say? I'm only doing what you all keep telling me to do. I've figured this out - people don't care about your problems... honestly... they may very well care about you... but they can do without your problems. In order for someone to care about your issues you have to pay them! Harsh? Yes... but it's the truth. Don't get me wrong, these people that I have relationships with are good and they care. But they have just pushed me, they have hurt me, and they have really worked on my self-esteem... and I have had enough. I mess up, I make stupid mistakes... I do stupid things... I can be difficult... name one person who doesn't!! Sure I wallow sometimes... name someone who doesn't! I'm no different than anyone in these meetings... Sure I have different levels of issues... but that's no reason to treat me the way they do. Like I'm stupid, like I do everything wrong, like I am a loser, like I don't work at life!! I want every single one of them to watch me - here's where I make my move. Here's what I've learned... suicide is telling God that He doesn't know what He's doing!! Like He isn't doing a good enough job!! I'm not going to tell God that. I'm going to let God move, and work in me... there's some changes about to happen. Are you ready?
"Those of you without THIS sin, cast the first stone" - Jesus

Horses

So in my last blog I wrote about horses and how they are man's best friend. And you know here lately this fact has become more and more true to me. They really are a man's best friend. If only some people would realize this instead of being intimidated by the big beasts than everyone could share my point of view. But let's face it - the population that doesn't find them beautiful and magnificient find them pretty on the other side of the fence!! Those are the people who think dogs are a man's best friend. But like I said in my last blog (ha that very few people were able to read) I know in my dogs case, her loyalty lies with the fullest dinner plate!! That's not a best friend - that's a mooch! Now, don't get me wrong I have a few really good human friends. But a best friend is someone you tell everything to, and they don't assume anything of you or judge you in anyway. They are rare and hard to find. The more people I meet, the more I find that a lot of people think they are this way... but the truth always comes out!! Why can't people just be honest and admit "hey, at some point in time I'm going to think something of you that's going to be wrong" - I mean that's honest. I'm guilty of it, like we all are. Horses don't do this to people - and even better they tell you when they have done wrong. Most of the time they give it away and that's why you notice it! Horses don't judge... sometimes they think nasty things about you but they tell you about it and don't try to dress it up! I know Max doesn't dress it up - he tells me he hates me daily! And that's OK!!!!! If certain people would come out and say "Hey, I hate you" I would be better off than having to listen to them lie to me all the time. But no, people put on their faces... makes me sick. If I have a problem with someone, I'm going to tell them. Maybe that's why my parents say I need to be more tactful :)

On a lighter note...

Horse people are nuts. While I work, you will often find me sitting behind the computer looking up horse cliassfieds. Not that I need another horse but - you never know what you will find. So most days that's what I do. And today I was watching all these videos of these big time dressage horses and some lower level event horses... and it amazes me that a horse - a four legged, hairy, animal - can be worth $50.000 or more!!! And these horses sell at that price! Now, some of them that I see at that price I think "Yeah right good luck with that". Because I just don't see anyone paying that much for that certain horse!! But if the right person comes along... that horse will most likely sell for that price. Arabians are a breed of horse that you can't make that much money off of their sales price. You can get a National quality Arabian for $3000 easy. A trained one might cost you more, but if you pay more than $10,000 for a quality Arabian - you are paying too much!! Not saying they are a cheap horse but... you don't have to pay out the wazoo for one. Now on the other hand you have warmbloods (NOT American Warmbloods... they don't count) - but other warmbloods that actually have certain bloodlines - paying over $10,000 for them is a little more understandable because most of them have been imported from another country! Now if it is under a year old, than it's not worth it. But if it has a show record or if it has been imported - and you want a horse that will go far - they are probably worth it. That is IF you have the money for that kind of horse. Me on the other hand, I've never paid over $1000 for a horse! And I don't plan on paying more than that for a while! In fact about half of the horses I've owned I've gotten for free! My last purchase was enough to keep me occupied for a little bit though.

"Keeta" Is a hand full! I love her, she is sweet and adorable... but she is a hand full! Hancock babies are supposed to be really good, and I think she will be but she has some spirit in her. No worries - I'm not one for getting rid of that spirit, I like to turn it into positive energy. I don't tame beasts... I just train them to do what I want and they are welcome to do it with as much energy and spunk as they please. As long as it does not involve bucking, rearing, taking off, or any other bad habit of that sort. Speaking of bad habits... MAX has a few. Today I rode for the first time in a week ... I was about to go nuts without riding... so today was nice being able to ride. But Max was his usual self... which isn't BAD but it's not exactly great either. A couple kicks here, a couple bucks there... no big deal. He's crazy. Today his fun thing to do for the day was to canter as fast as possible around the ring without stopping or half halting. So what do ya do? Just sit there and keep trying to slow him down, eventually when he got tired - he slowed down. Show season starts soon - hopefully the ground well thaw out and I'll be able to jump Max some. Because THAT'S Where he shows himself. My goal is to have him jump without bucking or taking off!! I have two months to do this... I hope with the help of my instructor that I'll be able to do this. Not sure how we are going to do it... but if anyone can we can. She has the brains and I have the ability. At least most people think I have the ability. The guy that owns the barn that I keep my horses at - got a new horse about a month ago. Real nice appendix quarter horse, he's grey - stands about 16'2 hands - stocky build - moves real straight and big. Nice horse. The guy that owns him told me the other day that I was going to be the first one on the horse just in case he bucks up! LOL - I laughed and said "OK"... I know... it doesn't sound smart but it's fun! He says he doesn't want to hit the ground from that far up in the air - I told him it's not that bad, it's just an extra foot or so - no big deal. He didn't believe me. I don't understand why! LOL

So I went to the rodeo last night - and I was well entertained. And not by the perverted clown either. People are funny to me... I mean they had these pens set up in the ring and they put a bull in one of them and two horses in the other. They opened the floor to the public and people swarmed those poor animals like they had never seen them before!! I was like give me a break! I guess it is because I see those animals every day and to me it's just another walk in the park! So anyways, it was interesting to see all these people eww and awe over these animals. Animals that I didn't find that pretty. I mean, I know when I go to horse shows that I go to look for pretty horses! And when I find them I drool over them and eww and awe. But I did NOT find these kinds of horses last night at the rodeo. There were some butt ugly horses there, it amazed me. And most of them knew one speed - which was fast!! The announcer kept saying how well trained these horses were, but the way they were acting, I just didn't see it!! LOL - I mean it! I thought a well trained horse knew ALL of the gaits, and knew what whoa meant, and so on and so forth - As bad as Max is - he is better than some of those horses. I do wonder how they train roping horses to back-up once the rider has jumped off to tie the calf!? My horses don't typically do things by themselves... I normally have to be on my horse in order for them to do things :) My friends were at the rodeo competing. She had a nice horse - his horse was OK ... I mean I wouldn't own it but for him it worked. He placed third in team roping - she didn't run. But I'm sure when she did run she did well. Her horse is fast and sharp around turns (She barrel races, so that makes since right?) I decided after watching the saddle-bronc riders that I could do that! You have some thing to hang onto and stirrups to put your feet in - it can't be that hard! I mean, I ride bucks all the time... not really BIG bucks but still - lean back put your feet forward... I could do it. Me and Keeta may run barrels one day, if she's fast enough. She may be too slow, I want to rein her mostly so we'll concentrate on that and if the barrels happen they happen, if not they don't. The bull riders were a little disappointing - only one guy rode to score!

Anyways, Enough about that... I've rambled on in this blog about NOTHING! LOL And it has been a blast... Next time the blog will be brilliant and not just rambling.

PEACE

Horses are mans best friend

This blog has been deleted... due to too much honesty and too many thoughts that may make people mad. NOT that I care if you get mad or not... I just don't want to deal with your drama!!! Doesn't this suck? See if you wouldn't get mad about the truth than you wouldn't be sitting there wondering what this blog was really about!

It's been a while ...

HELLOOOOOO EVERYBODY!!! I'm back and I have so much to tell you all about. I wish that a lot of you could just walk beside me through my days... because that's the only way you are going to believe how much I have changed in the past three weeks!! So, tomorrow, I'm telling my story for the first time in church and I am super energized about this because let me tell you what the devil has done to try to shut me up. He put me in St Albans for a week, he really discouraged me throughout the very next week, and THEN he went and made me really mad tonight to the point that I was cussing under my breath!! I had to immediately pray that demon away. But, you know, that's really just giving him too much credit for my taste, let me tell you what God did in me through all of that...

Just three weeks ago, I was so depressed and suicidal that I picked up an old friend. No, it wasn't a drink or a drug (I'm still clean Praise God)... it was a razor. I had been fighting this depression for four months and it finally just got to me. So... I told my parents part of my problem... told my sponsor and they all asked "Do you need to be admitted?" - ugh... I HATE that question. Because my answer is often yes. So to St Albans mental health center we went. I was there for four days... I felt better when I got out... but my therapists and my doctor "ignited my oven" as one friend put it... so now I'm just "sitting here burning and about to explode". Which was true because I went off and took all my frustration out at NA the day I got out of the hospital. So there I was scrambling my eggs in my head and burning them to a crisp... when this thought hit me "You are out of the mental ward... back in your environment, you have people around you who don't judge you and most importantly they all seem to love you!" ....WHOA!!! That's all I had to say to that thought. Because wow, I didn't know I could get that from one group of people... maybe from one person at a time... but a whole group... WHAT? No way... so I questioned the thought... by the time the next NA meeting came up... I went from an "about to explode oven" to a VERY VERY VERY VERY grateful person. I was grateful for everyone in NA... and I told them about it. Because it's been quite a while since I have been able to be truly grateful for someone. That darn devil came back after this big event... and stole my joy about it. The voice in my head went completely out of control... telling me that I couldn't be what I wanted to be in life because of something that my medicine causes me to do. That I won't have these "friends" for long, because they will get sick of me eventually and to just be prepared. Then the side effects and withdrawals of my medicine change started getting to me. The shakes, the head aches, the dizziness, the seizures. Are you kidding me? No... I'm for real. So this all piled up on me... and I wasn't quite sure what to do. ... I was beginning to think poorly of myself. Now, it's really hard to read me, in way. You can't really tell from one day to the next what is about to come out of my mouth. I was fine on the outside and burning my eggs still on the inside. So tonight we had choir practice at my Dad's church. And even though my mood is fine, I'm still burning my eggs on the inside. So it doesn't take much to make me tick. And go figure, my brother in law was the one to make me tick. UGH ... he drove me nuts tonight. He could NOT work the sound system and kept messing up. I was so frustrated that I said, OUT LOUD, "learn to work it". I was mic'd and everything. So I know he heard me... poor guy he can't help but be dumb about some things. Then after that I just brewed in my frustration when finally I had to pray that demon away. I took a minute to look around... at the people... only a couple of the people around me knew my story... and they only knew it because they were there while it was happening. One in particular... I'm not going to mention her name, if she reads this she knows who she is. She's never cast judgement on me. NEVER... I know this because she's always loved me... unconditionally. So here we go again... ANOTHER ONE... perhaps this one doesn't understand as much as the other group of people... but I found myself being truly grateful for this person. So for the next few minutes ... I thought about it. I never came to a conclusion on my thoughts... I'm still in the middle of them. All my brother in law did was goof up the sound system... and I was getting mad at him for it. While in the same room stood a woman who had watched me goof up a lot of my life and she never got MAD .. she got frustrated!! Does that make sense? Umm. NO!

So, I know this blog was kind of fuzzy... but did you see all the change? The spiritual growth? The sudden appreciation for people God has put in my life? ... big changes.

Well, it's that time... yes I now go to bed at 9:30pm!! Sad I know... well Good night to you and God bless.

PEACE