Some days I wonder what people are thinking. I have bipolar disorder and some times I see my disorder in other people and wonder why I'm the one they medicated! Very often do I catch myself wanting to offer random people my medicine. However, I resist from asking due to the chance of getting punched in the face! Thank goodness for a great doctor that works with me to keep people from blogging about my personality flaws and my incredibly high and low mood swings! Yesterday was one of those days that I caught myself wanting to ask people if they need the number to my psychiatrist. I mean, people who hate me were saying how great I am...and people who love me (typically) were telling me to leave them alone!! It was quite confusing and at a moment in time I was asking myself "friend or foe?" It still leaves me befuddled... and when I can say nothing bad about anyone I just say "Ain't that precious!"
I have hit a hard time in my life where I know what I have to do according to God's will, however I also know what I would rather do!! Go figure?? I'm a trainer... I train hunter jumper horses. And I love a good jumper and a good hunter! There's nothing like it. I have been a trainer since I was 18 and have ridden many horses, good and bad. But today I realize that training horses full time is not where God wants me. I was wondering the past few months why I have been so miserable doing what I love, then suddenly it hit me. About a year ago God put a call on my life to go into the ministry. It was an exciting day but I told God that I would do it but I would also train horses. And the past few months God has showed me that if I go into the ministry I can not train horses full time. Plain and simple. I realize that this is probably because horses would take priority over what God wants me to do. This is very hard for me to get a grip on. So what did I do? I decided to go God's way and just train as needed. I will only own two horses... the two new warmbloods, Archie and Scarlet. And go down the path that God wants me to go down. I have always had big dreams and big ambitions... but there's a song that says "dreams fade and plans fail". How true it is! It's not that God is taking me away from my dream, it's that He is giving me a new one. "God put a song in my heart today, He put my feet on a solid rock to stay. He gave me words in my heart to sing, a song of praise hallelujah"
Friday, September 21, 2012
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Then Reality hit like a ton of Bricks!!
I was writing to my ex who is in prison telling him about all the shenanigans I have been into lately. I started to think to myself how much I have accomplished in the past few months. How much things have changed... so on and so forth. Then reality hit... yep that's right. It snuck up behind me and smacked me in the forehead. There is a TON of stuff that I have to do within the next two weeks!!! In two weeks, I will probably be writing to my ex again thinking to myself how things have changed and all that I've gotten accomplished. De Ja Vu!! I experience this often. I believe it's because I'm a trainer and believe in the power of repetition. So I live a life that repeats itself. What's the definition of insanity?? Doing something over and over expecting different results!!! So you could say my reality is insanity in motion. I suppose that there are some cases where I quit doing what I'm doing and start doing something different. However, this is where the rebel in me comes out!!! If I do something different... it's because someone told me to do the opposite of what I am doing!! You tell me one thing, I do another!! I guess it's because I love proving things to people. If you don't believe me, I'll just prove it to you!! If you doubt me, I'll prove it to you. If you say I can't... Oh that's when I WILL!!! It never fails.
Reality has come hard the past couple of weeks. And I've come to face the facts... fact number one... people, in general, are stupid. Fact number two... horses, in general, were made so that people like me can get away from all the fact number ones!!! I may be young but one thing I don't lack is intelligence. In the horse world it seems like other horse people have a misconception of what my job is!!! They tend to think that eventing has a Grand Prix level. And that hunter hack on the rated circuit is two foot!!! Dear stupid people, this just is not the case!!! Funny thing is that these people call themselves professionals!! Hunter Hack on the rated circuit is three foot... and the highest level of eventing is called advanced!!! Grand Prix is only for Dressage and Jumpers!!! This my dear readers is why I cannot stand other trainers!!! If you don't know what your talking about, please bite your tongue or else you will make a fool of yourself!! I hate laughing at people, but this sometimes just cannot be helped!
My favorite reality of all time is the reality that separates the good trainers from the bad. The good ones have certifications and medals. While the bad just toot their own horn with nothing to back them up. We all know the ones I'm talking about.
I do not strive to be like the person who never strives for better... who never attempts to become something other than what they are and who doesn't know the meaning of the word "true". They call themselves true friends, or honest people. When really all they do is stab their friends in the back and lie constantly. Tell you one thing and then go tell someone else something totally different. There are so many people in the world that do this that it drives me crazy. I have a handful of true friends... people who watch my back... and people who are so honest with me that sometimes it hurts. And trust me I would rather have those friends around all the time, then the latter. Some of my friends have stated that the latter people just haven't grown up yet. Those are the times that I wonder "If you haven't grown up and you're almost over the hill... when are you going to grow up?" I guess when they go stumbling down the other side of that hill and trip and fall flat on their face that's when they will decide to grow up. If you call yourself an adult then please do the world a favor and act like one!! One thing I cannot stand is an older person acting like they are two years old and still in diapers. Some one PLEASE potty train that person!!! Then teach them to clean their crap up so the rest of us don't have to smell it!! So many adults walking around that have to be babied. Well I'll tell you one thing... I don't even baby my dog!!! And I will not be nice to you just because you are still learning to walk!!
I hate manipulators. They get their little cult to believe that they are all that. And the rest of us who refuse to worship the ground they walk on, we walk around wondering what all the commotion is about? We don't see anything spectacular. We see no blue ribbons dangled around their necks. All we see is a person who has lead people to believe that they are all that!!! News Flash... I'm not buying it!!! Reality is going to hit those people like a ton of bricks one day... and all I will be able to do is smile and tell their loyal followers... "told ya so".
Reality has come hard the past couple of weeks. And I've come to face the facts... fact number one... people, in general, are stupid. Fact number two... horses, in general, were made so that people like me can get away from all the fact number ones!!! I may be young but one thing I don't lack is intelligence. In the horse world it seems like other horse people have a misconception of what my job is!!! They tend to think that eventing has a Grand Prix level. And that hunter hack on the rated circuit is two foot!!! Dear stupid people, this just is not the case!!! Funny thing is that these people call themselves professionals!! Hunter Hack on the rated circuit is three foot... and the highest level of eventing is called advanced!!! Grand Prix is only for Dressage and Jumpers!!! This my dear readers is why I cannot stand other trainers!!! If you don't know what your talking about, please bite your tongue or else you will make a fool of yourself!! I hate laughing at people, but this sometimes just cannot be helped!
My favorite reality of all time is the reality that separates the good trainers from the bad. The good ones have certifications and medals. While the bad just toot their own horn with nothing to back them up. We all know the ones I'm talking about.
I do not strive to be like the person who never strives for better... who never attempts to become something other than what they are and who doesn't know the meaning of the word "true". They call themselves true friends, or honest people. When really all they do is stab their friends in the back and lie constantly. Tell you one thing and then go tell someone else something totally different. There are so many people in the world that do this that it drives me crazy. I have a handful of true friends... people who watch my back... and people who are so honest with me that sometimes it hurts. And trust me I would rather have those friends around all the time, then the latter. Some of my friends have stated that the latter people just haven't grown up yet. Those are the times that I wonder "If you haven't grown up and you're almost over the hill... when are you going to grow up?" I guess when they go stumbling down the other side of that hill and trip and fall flat on their face that's when they will decide to grow up. If you call yourself an adult then please do the world a favor and act like one!! One thing I cannot stand is an older person acting like they are two years old and still in diapers. Some one PLEASE potty train that person!!! Then teach them to clean their crap up so the rest of us don't have to smell it!! So many adults walking around that have to be babied. Well I'll tell you one thing... I don't even baby my dog!!! And I will not be nice to you just because you are still learning to walk!!
I hate manipulators. They get their little cult to believe that they are all that. And the rest of us who refuse to worship the ground they walk on, we walk around wondering what all the commotion is about? We don't see anything spectacular. We see no blue ribbons dangled around their necks. All we see is a person who has lead people to believe that they are all that!!! News Flash... I'm not buying it!!! Reality is going to hit those people like a ton of bricks one day... and all I will be able to do is smile and tell their loyal followers... "told ya so".
Monday, January 9, 2012
Ex's, Mac N Cheese, Walls, Possibilities, And barter system
Have you ever heard the saying, "the possibilities are endless"? I have come to believe that this saying is true. However most people don't realize it.
My dearest ex is in prison and while it is true that he is in there for the next 14 years, it is also true that he took my heart with him. So, you say, that means your heart has been imprisoned? Well it's only theoretical. I have written to him several times, and he always writes me back telling me of life in prison, while I write him about life on the farm. Every time I write him I try to give him a little bit of a glimpse of life outside of four walls. Often times I tell him of my adventures on the farm and what life entails as a farmer. Many times I catch myself rambling about horses (imagine that?) It is quite funny when he writes me back as he tries to make life sound interesting, but talking about life in a cell can only be so entertaining. I appreciate his outlook, because many people who are in prison for that long of a period tend to loose sight of hope, he always talks about how one day he will get out and he will make things right. And when he talks about it, it always makes me think "the possibilities are endless" - how refreshing is that coming from a man who is going to spend the next 14 years in prison?? It saddens me when I talk to certain people who are not in prison and they say things like "I've lost all hope" or "the dream has become a nightmare"... it makes me think of my ex... and I always think to myself "here these people are running free saying they have no hope, and here my ex is in prison... talking about future plans and holding tight to his release date!" What is the world coming to?
Boxed Mac N Cheese is by far my favorite thing to eat... while it has nothing in it that is good for you... it serves as a nice midnight or midday snack. The other day my Mom was shocked and nearly had a heart attack, when I went to the food store and bought my own Mac N Cheese, came home and fixed it myself. She swore I was ill, I wanted to look at her and say "The possibilities are endless"!!! Maybe one day I might clean my room or make my bed. You know me, always trying to give my parents hope for me!!!
Speaking of possibilities there is one for me getting a training job at a local hunter jumper farm. I turned in my resume and now I'm waiting for some kind of response. The job would entail me training horses, and teaching lessons. Which would be ideal for me. I've worked at several barns, and have trained many horses. The ideal setting for me to train at would be my own farm... I am my fathers daughter and it seems like the genes don't do well with someone else telling them what to do!!! My boss here at the Rent All knows who really is in charge (ME) and let's me be the boss most days. I guess that's why I've been able to stay here for five years!!! Unless I get this job, or my own farm lifts off the ground, I guess I'll be here at the Rent All fixing engines and doing brake jobs... until further notice. Hope they have a retirement plan!! But I seriously doubt it, but hey, the possibilities are endless.
Have you ever seen the video of horses at the Washington International jumping the Puissance? Go youtube it... they have this "brick" wall that they gradually build up. Who ever jumps the highest wins. The current record is 7'3, the rider holding the record is Red Skelton (not the comedian). Some times it feels as if I am in front of the Puissance wall, galloping at it, with a horse under me that knows as much about jumping as I do about the flying trapeze. And if you know me, you know that I do not know anything about the flying trapeze. So my only option at times is to dig my spurs into the side of that horse... and hope to God that he doesn't refuse!!! Recently there was a wall in front of me, that I couldn't see over or around... and I had only one option and that was to dig my spurs in and pray hard that I make it. Sure enough I ran towards that wall.... and I thought to myself the possibilities of me making it over are slim to none!!! Then I landed on the other side and realized that the possibilities are truly endless. I didn't count my chickens before they hatched, but I didn't quit dreaming about making it over that wall either.
Life in general can be a challenge. People are the biggest problem with life. If it weren't for them I'd have a rather easy life. Them and money. Money is like luck... some days you have it, some days you don't. And it's the days you don't have it that a horse gets hurt and you have to call the vet. I read an article recently about a lady in Germany who lives strictly off the barter system. She has lived without money for 16 years... and you know she doesn't miss it? Most people think if they had more money life would be better. But doesn't the Bible talk about money being the root of all evil?? If we had more money, we would go broke. It is a little know fact that most people who win millions in the lottery go bankrupt in two to three years. How you ask? What do you do when you come into a large sum of money?? Buy the biggest and the best stuff?? Go out to eat at the finest restaurants? Very often times we get money and we go waste it on stuff we don't really need, but instead we spend it on things we want. So after reading this article on this woman who lives off the barter system.... I thought to myself... How ingenious. So I tried it... I went a whole day living off the barter system. You know I paid off two bills, and got riding lessons out of the deal?? Imagine that. I was so proud of myself. All without money. If only the feed store used the barter system?? LOL... as for people being a problem... eh... you can't fix stupid and you can't trade stupid people for useful things!!! Trust me, I tried!!
My dearest ex is in prison and while it is true that he is in there for the next 14 years, it is also true that he took my heart with him. So, you say, that means your heart has been imprisoned? Well it's only theoretical. I have written to him several times, and he always writes me back telling me of life in prison, while I write him about life on the farm. Every time I write him I try to give him a little bit of a glimpse of life outside of four walls. Often times I tell him of my adventures on the farm and what life entails as a farmer. Many times I catch myself rambling about horses (imagine that?) It is quite funny when he writes me back as he tries to make life sound interesting, but talking about life in a cell can only be so entertaining. I appreciate his outlook, because many people who are in prison for that long of a period tend to loose sight of hope, he always talks about how one day he will get out and he will make things right. And when he talks about it, it always makes me think "the possibilities are endless" - how refreshing is that coming from a man who is going to spend the next 14 years in prison?? It saddens me when I talk to certain people who are not in prison and they say things like "I've lost all hope" or "the dream has become a nightmare"... it makes me think of my ex... and I always think to myself "here these people are running free saying they have no hope, and here my ex is in prison... talking about future plans and holding tight to his release date!" What is the world coming to?
Boxed Mac N Cheese is by far my favorite thing to eat... while it has nothing in it that is good for you... it serves as a nice midnight or midday snack. The other day my Mom was shocked and nearly had a heart attack, when I went to the food store and bought my own Mac N Cheese, came home and fixed it myself. She swore I was ill, I wanted to look at her and say "The possibilities are endless"!!! Maybe one day I might clean my room or make my bed. You know me, always trying to give my parents hope for me!!!
Speaking of possibilities there is one for me getting a training job at a local hunter jumper farm. I turned in my resume and now I'm waiting for some kind of response. The job would entail me training horses, and teaching lessons. Which would be ideal for me. I've worked at several barns, and have trained many horses. The ideal setting for me to train at would be my own farm... I am my fathers daughter and it seems like the genes don't do well with someone else telling them what to do!!! My boss here at the Rent All knows who really is in charge (ME) and let's me be the boss most days. I guess that's why I've been able to stay here for five years!!! Unless I get this job, or my own farm lifts off the ground, I guess I'll be here at the Rent All fixing engines and doing brake jobs... until further notice. Hope they have a retirement plan!! But I seriously doubt it, but hey, the possibilities are endless.
Have you ever seen the video of horses at the Washington International jumping the Puissance? Go youtube it... they have this "brick" wall that they gradually build up. Who ever jumps the highest wins. The current record is 7'3, the rider holding the record is Red Skelton (not the comedian). Some times it feels as if I am in front of the Puissance wall, galloping at it, with a horse under me that knows as much about jumping as I do about the flying trapeze. And if you know me, you know that I do not know anything about the flying trapeze. So my only option at times is to dig my spurs into the side of that horse... and hope to God that he doesn't refuse!!! Recently there was a wall in front of me, that I couldn't see over or around... and I had only one option and that was to dig my spurs in and pray hard that I make it. Sure enough I ran towards that wall.... and I thought to myself the possibilities of me making it over are slim to none!!! Then I landed on the other side and realized that the possibilities are truly endless. I didn't count my chickens before they hatched, but I didn't quit dreaming about making it over that wall either.
Life in general can be a challenge. People are the biggest problem with life. If it weren't for them I'd have a rather easy life. Them and money. Money is like luck... some days you have it, some days you don't. And it's the days you don't have it that a horse gets hurt and you have to call the vet. I read an article recently about a lady in Germany who lives strictly off the barter system. She has lived without money for 16 years... and you know she doesn't miss it? Most people think if they had more money life would be better. But doesn't the Bible talk about money being the root of all evil?? If we had more money, we would go broke. It is a little know fact that most people who win millions in the lottery go bankrupt in two to three years. How you ask? What do you do when you come into a large sum of money?? Buy the biggest and the best stuff?? Go out to eat at the finest restaurants? Very often times we get money and we go waste it on stuff we don't really need, but instead we spend it on things we want. So after reading this article on this woman who lives off the barter system.... I thought to myself... How ingenious. So I tried it... I went a whole day living off the barter system. You know I paid off two bills, and got riding lessons out of the deal?? Imagine that. I was so proud of myself. All without money. If only the feed store used the barter system?? LOL... as for people being a problem... eh... you can't fix stupid and you can't trade stupid people for useful things!!! Trust me, I tried!!
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
May 30 2012
This year I turn 25. Yes, believe it, it's true!! And when I think about my life as it is, I always wonder what the heck I was thinking when I was younger. When I was young, I always thought that by the time I was 25, I'd be married, have my own land, with only the nicest horses, I'd have money and that I would be graduated from college with a biology degree. Haha - yeah so much for that!!! Currently life as it is ... is the complete opposite. I never pursued my degree in biology due to failing chemistry twice. While I rent land, I don't own any. I'm broke. And while I have nice horses, there are always better. As for the married, that's a joke. Can we say single?? But life as I know it now, is doable. I am currently in college pursuing a degree in auto-mechanics (I know what you're thinking, from biology to auto-mechanics?? Haha yeah that's me!!) This spring semester I'm taking diesel mechanics and emissions diagnostics. While I could be bitter that life didn't turn out quite like I had hoped it would, I find myself being ever so grateful for life as it is. If I don't stay grateful, I get high. And if I'm high, I lose everything. As of April 21 2012, I will have been clean for 2 years. I have hit this mark twice, and both times have found a way to sabotage it. But I'm determined. My habit of sabotaging things and life in general, has ceased to exist. While some people, who will go unnamed, have said I am throwing life away. It just simply isn't true. Four of my six horses are for sale, four very nice ones in fact. I haven't given up on the dream of owning really nice horses, but these aren't the ones that I need to keep. Despite what some may say!!! So turning 25 in a few months makes me think about my dreams and hopes for the future. While when I was 18 I wanted to be a biology major, being 25 has different ideas. Farming is my life goal; beef cattle, dairy goats, alpacas, pigs, and of course hunter jumper horses. Arabian horses are NOT my thing. While I missed showing on that circuit, I found that I just didn't fit there. I belong with the warmbloods, and thoroughbreds on the hunter jumper circuit. I bought a new horse in November 2011, a Paint horse. You say, "That's not a warmblood or thoroughbred... that's a stock horse". Yes that's true. But he has the same temperament of a warmblood, and is just as big!!! He is palomino paint, with blue eyes and he's a stallion. He moves flat kneed like a hunter and is bred out the wazoo. Can we say APHA World?? Yes, I think we can!!! :) If I don't like showing APHA, I can show him in the open hunter circuit. The arabian I have, took me to Nationals, and come to find, it's just another arabian show!! No big deal, nothing spectacular. Which when I said that people were offended. Ha... oh well!!!
My horses are a part of my well being. They keep my pride humble, my pockets empty, and when I need a good thrill they always provide!! My dreams now consist of one day maybe get married (I hope he's handsome, rich and is a farmer at heart!). Eventually buy some land and have my animals on it with a one bedroom shack for me. Train horses full time and work on the farm. I dream of only going out when I need grain, or need food. OR When I want to go to a show :) Other then that, I can just stay on the farm and say " to heck with the rest "... 25 here I come. In case you are wondering, you didn't hear from me at all in 2011... simply because I was working three jobs trying to make ends meet and riding 15 horses a day!! I went to a show every weekend. On the week days I was working from sun up to sun down... and when I would come home I would sleep!! So my apologies to my readers for not keeping you updated. It was a good year, but this 2012 is going to be FAR better... you will see.
My horses are a part of my well being. They keep my pride humble, my pockets empty, and when I need a good thrill they always provide!! My dreams now consist of one day maybe get married (I hope he's handsome, rich and is a farmer at heart!). Eventually buy some land and have my animals on it with a one bedroom shack for me. Train horses full time and work on the farm. I dream of only going out when I need grain, or need food. OR When I want to go to a show :) Other then that, I can just stay on the farm and say " to heck with the rest "... 25 here I come. In case you are wondering, you didn't hear from me at all in 2011... simply because I was working three jobs trying to make ends meet and riding 15 horses a day!! I went to a show every weekend. On the week days I was working from sun up to sun down... and when I would come home I would sleep!! So my apologies to my readers for not keeping you updated. It was a good year, but this 2012 is going to be FAR better... you will see.
Monday, January 2, 2012
Things that I'm not allowed to say on FB
Due to certain acquaintances being my friends on FB... I can't post this there. BUT... some people irk me to no end. People that say things like "I don't work because there are no jobs"!! That really irks me. There ARE jobs, you're just too lazy to go out and find one. Then you go to people like me who work TWO jobs... and ask for money from them... get off your lazy rear end and go find a stupid job!! And sure as heck don't let me hear about you living off the government... because that will NOT make me happy!! But you're not living life to make me happy ... that's obvious... but you should live life to make yourself happy and I know that being broke and sitting on your rear all day can't make you happy!!! Because while it is true I might be broke, I work and do things to make money... it just so happens that I have eleven needy children (aka animals) that demand that I feed them two to three times a day... and two trucks that don't run worth a crap... and one of my jobs only pays minimum wage!!! So I have something to say to that person who keeps asking me for money.. go find a bridge... and don't pretend that I'm there begging you not to jump!!!! Because trust me that's not the case!! :) And I say that with all the love I can stir up in my, so called, black heart!!!
Once more, please, leave me and my horses to mind our own business. We don't go around snooping into your business and would appreciate if you would do the same!! But you can't can you?? Because you LOVE drama... and you LOVE stirring up trouble... and you LOVE gossiping. DON'T tell me you don't because I've known you a long time, and I know you. It's funny that I can know you so well, but you don't know me at all!! All these years and you still think I'm the bad guy. But what the real story is... is that you my dear friend need a reality check. You live in this world where everyone owes you because you THINK your a do gooder! But you my dear friend are NOT a do gooder... You are the type of friend that does good for other people with the expectation of them giving you something in return!! That is a person that is out for one thing and one thing only and that's fame and fortune. But you my dear friend will never find this fame nor this fortune because while it is true that the wicked prosper... you aren't that lucky!! It is true that your bad luck runs deep... could it be karma coming back to haunt you?? Yeah we all know what people say she is!!!
Let me tell you about me... those years that we were apart. I worked hard every day, I made my way, I fed my horses... I showed them...and if I remember correctly every time it was my horse against yours... mine placed ahead?? Then you tell me that I don't know what I'm doing?? HAHA... yeah, that's a proven point isn't it? Just saying!!! You say I keep my horses thin, have you ever thought it's because I rescue most of my guys and may I remind your forgetful self it takes YEARS to bring them back?? I feed my horses the BEST grain, the BEST supplements, I keep the up to date on everything, AND mine are all in a conditioning program that I designed. You say I rush my horses, I think it took me a year to break Blossom, and eight months to break Roxy!!! Those years that we were apart, my horse Jack scored 70's in dressage tests! I trained with some of the best trainers and learned things you have no clue about!!! I have ridden reining horses, REAL saddle seat horses, I have ridden up to Prix St George, I have jumped 5ft without thinking about it!!! Have YOU done any of that? Do you have the experience I have?? I don't see you knowing how to do sliding stops and stick them, I don't see you jumping any and everything with out fear, I don't see you getting on crazy saddlebreds bareback, IN FACT - I don't see you riding anything!!! Oh except for your couch!! Momma T tell me, am I being too harsh?? LOL No, I don't think I am... because see what I say about you is truth. While what you say about me is a bunch of bull. You don't like me getting top ten even though I fell off?? Only cause you didn't fall off and still they didn't place you!! You don't like me having a stud horse?? That's only because he is nicer then yours. All of them in fact. Last but not least you don't like me getting into other farming besides horses? What are you afraid I might actually make something of my farm instead of letting it go down the drain?? Yeah, THAT you should be afraid of. Because I WILL prove to you that I am somebody who knows something about what I do best. I WILL prove that everything you say about me to other people is a LIE. AND I will be someone. Not because of what you did to me, for me, whatever you want to call it. But because of WHO I am!! I AM Kristan Underwood... and one day your going to need me... and guess what?? I'm going to be there. Not because I like how you treat me, not because I need you... not because I want to be there... but because that's the kind of person I am. I'm not the rob peter to pay paul type... I'm more like turn the other cheek. I promise... and my word is good.. that I will be someone despite of you!!
Once more, please, leave me and my horses to mind our own business. We don't go around snooping into your business and would appreciate if you would do the same!! But you can't can you?? Because you LOVE drama... and you LOVE stirring up trouble... and you LOVE gossiping. DON'T tell me you don't because I've known you a long time, and I know you. It's funny that I can know you so well, but you don't know me at all!! All these years and you still think I'm the bad guy. But what the real story is... is that you my dear friend need a reality check. You live in this world where everyone owes you because you THINK your a do gooder! But you my dear friend are NOT a do gooder... You are the type of friend that does good for other people with the expectation of them giving you something in return!! That is a person that is out for one thing and one thing only and that's fame and fortune. But you my dear friend will never find this fame nor this fortune because while it is true that the wicked prosper... you aren't that lucky!! It is true that your bad luck runs deep... could it be karma coming back to haunt you?? Yeah we all know what people say she is!!!
Let me tell you about me... those years that we were apart. I worked hard every day, I made my way, I fed my horses... I showed them...and if I remember correctly every time it was my horse against yours... mine placed ahead?? Then you tell me that I don't know what I'm doing?? HAHA... yeah, that's a proven point isn't it? Just saying!!! You say I keep my horses thin, have you ever thought it's because I rescue most of my guys and may I remind your forgetful self it takes YEARS to bring them back?? I feed my horses the BEST grain, the BEST supplements, I keep the up to date on everything, AND mine are all in a conditioning program that I designed. You say I rush my horses, I think it took me a year to break Blossom, and eight months to break Roxy!!! Those years that we were apart, my horse Jack scored 70's in dressage tests! I trained with some of the best trainers and learned things you have no clue about!!! I have ridden reining horses, REAL saddle seat horses, I have ridden up to Prix St George, I have jumped 5ft without thinking about it!!! Have YOU done any of that? Do you have the experience I have?? I don't see you knowing how to do sliding stops and stick them, I don't see you jumping any and everything with out fear, I don't see you getting on crazy saddlebreds bareback, IN FACT - I don't see you riding anything!!! Oh except for your couch!! Momma T tell me, am I being too harsh?? LOL No, I don't think I am... because see what I say about you is truth. While what you say about me is a bunch of bull. You don't like me getting top ten even though I fell off?? Only cause you didn't fall off and still they didn't place you!! You don't like me having a stud horse?? That's only because he is nicer then yours. All of them in fact. Last but not least you don't like me getting into other farming besides horses? What are you afraid I might actually make something of my farm instead of letting it go down the drain?? Yeah, THAT you should be afraid of. Because I WILL prove to you that I am somebody who knows something about what I do best. I WILL prove that everything you say about me to other people is a LIE. AND I will be someone. Not because of what you did to me, for me, whatever you want to call it. But because of WHO I am!! I AM Kristan Underwood... and one day your going to need me... and guess what?? I'm going to be there. Not because I like how you treat me, not because I need you... not because I want to be there... but because that's the kind of person I am. I'm not the rob peter to pay paul type... I'm more like turn the other cheek. I promise... and my word is good.. that I will be someone despite of you!!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Roxanne
Often times, when we are at the barn, my little sister will hear me say "Roxanne, Roxanne, Roxanne, Roxanne"... and she will just laugh at me. That is my poem I wrote for my horse (Yes, I'm a better writer than that but I had to come up with something I could remember. lol). I walk out into the field and see this beautiful horse... and she walks up to me with her big eyes and pretty face... with a "give me a cookie" look on it. I take a few cookies out of my pocket and suddenly I have a new best friend. Roxy... the one and only. She has to be one of the sweetest horses I know. She is for sure my favorite. I love this horse more than all the rest. I broke her to ride a couple of weeks ago, and she is a blast. No brakes... but a good adrenaline rush!! Like no other horse I've ever ridden. I feel so honored to be able to sit on her. She is one of those horses that when she is nervous she will put her head up against you and just stand there. She constantly wants to be touched, she constantly wants attention!! She is so eager to please. See how great she is?? One tiny little problem. See I've been praying that God sell a horse... and one day He told me to sell THAT one. THAT one being Roxy!! I said really Lord?? No Lord, not THAT one. I LOVE THIS HORSE!!! But... then God reminds me of a story in the bible... where Abraham had to give a sacrifice and the thing God wanted was Abraham's son!! So Abraham obeyed and built an altar, and was about to sacrifice his son when suddenly God stepped in... and because of Abraham's obedience God provided a ram! In my last blog I wrote about how God wants to give us the desires of our hearts. But He also wants us to trust and obey Him and to do so whole-heartedly. He wants us to jump when He says jump... He wants to know that He means more to me than Roxy!! Oh my... "Thou shall have no other god's before Me". Including but not limited to... TV, football, vehicles, horses, people, etc. I do not put Roxy ahead of God... but when God asks me to sell her... I have to honor my Father's wishes. I pray for a ram to appear... But if God really wants me to sell her... I will. I put her up for sale this morning... it broke my heart. I have this friend though... who tries to keep me on the positive side of things. She gave me encouraging words... that even though Roxy may have to go, I will get where I want to go!! Roxy may be the wrong horse... I can't imagine HOW that could be... I don't see it. But like my friend said "God always has a bigger plan... a better plan" I just have to trust and obey. What's God telling you to do today?
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
I desire
Some times I can't help but to be human. Imagine that? And when I'm human I some times catch myself saying a prayer that basically says, "Lord please don't let me be SO human". To some people this prayer is ridiculous. But to me this prayer keeps me in line with who God wants me to be. Even though He made me, it's my sinful nature that makes me so human.
So why am I bringing this up ? Simply because this week I find myself being jealous. I HATE being jealous... because I have a good life and I have nice things... and more importantly I have a God that loves me and wants to give me the desires of my heart. How cool is that?? But other people have better paying jobs. Not better jobs... just better paying. I have the best job in the world as a trainer/farmer. It just doesn't pay as well as some jobs do. Will it ever?? Yes, one day it will. Patience is a virtue. Some people get to move up in the world a little faster than me... because of this better paying job. This is where I have to realize that I'm a very talented horse woman... just because some people get to go to Nationals before me... does not mean they are better than me. Now the people at the Olympics, yeah they are better than me... but one day. Some people get to train with the best of the best. They get to work with only the nicest horses. Jealous? Just a little... but then I give myself a reality check. I train with a very good trainer, who trained with the best and is very capable of taking me where I want to go... which is the top. Do I train the nicest horses? I train some very nice horses. Some of them will never go anywhere. Which, as a trainer, is aggravating. Because you want your horses to go some where and do some thing. When they don't no one knows what you can do. But my own horses... they will go some where. I have a really nice Arabian... I'm planning on taking him to Nationals next year. I have a really nice Hanoverian... she is finally broke to ride (so exciting) and she is going to go places... I'll work my butt off to get her where I want her to go. I'm training two really nice Arabians that will go places. I have a Thoroughbred that will go places. I have a Quarter Horse filly that is amazing. She is bred out the wazoo and is a beautiful blue roan. Funny story... I was looking at old pictures of when I first got her... I do not know what I saw in this filly! She was so UGLY when I first got her. NOW... now she's beautiful. It is my belief that every horse is good at something. Not every horse was meant to be a show animal. Some are good trail horses, or lesson horses, or backyard horses. I am a young trainer... I can't expect to get all the nice horses right away. I am very blessed to have the horses that I do. I am very thankful for my life and for the opportunity to train the horses I do. There is no reason to be jealous of these people that train with only the best, and go to only the big shows, and get to ride only the nicest horses. I LOVE my horses with their flaws, with their bad behaviors, with their personality quirks. I enjoy them and they will take me some where. BUT patience is a virtue. God's timing is ALWAYS perfect. To be honest, sometimes God's timing drives me up the wall because it's never when I want it to be!! But I have to remember that it's always perfect. It's not sometimes perfect... or every once in a while perfect... it's ALWAYS perfect. And if I am honest and I obey God... He will give me the desires of my heart. "Seek ye first the Kingdom of Heaven and all these things shall be added unto you" - but first you have to seek God's face. Seeking God's face does not mean that you go down the "Daddy To Do" list. It means to have a relationship with Him. Seeking Him... have a conversation with Him... praise Him, worship Him... THANK Him. For being so faithful... and for fulfilling the desires of your heart.
So why am I bringing this up ? Simply because this week I find myself being jealous. I HATE being jealous... because I have a good life and I have nice things... and more importantly I have a God that loves me and wants to give me the desires of my heart. How cool is that?? But other people have better paying jobs. Not better jobs... just better paying. I have the best job in the world as a trainer/farmer. It just doesn't pay as well as some jobs do. Will it ever?? Yes, one day it will. Patience is a virtue. Some people get to move up in the world a little faster than me... because of this better paying job. This is where I have to realize that I'm a very talented horse woman... just because some people get to go to Nationals before me... does not mean they are better than me. Now the people at the Olympics, yeah they are better than me... but one day. Some people get to train with the best of the best. They get to work with only the nicest horses. Jealous? Just a little... but then I give myself a reality check. I train with a very good trainer, who trained with the best and is very capable of taking me where I want to go... which is the top. Do I train the nicest horses? I train some very nice horses. Some of them will never go anywhere. Which, as a trainer, is aggravating. Because you want your horses to go some where and do some thing. When they don't no one knows what you can do. But my own horses... they will go some where. I have a really nice Arabian... I'm planning on taking him to Nationals next year. I have a really nice Hanoverian... she is finally broke to ride (so exciting) and she is going to go places... I'll work my butt off to get her where I want her to go. I'm training two really nice Arabians that will go places. I have a Thoroughbred that will go places. I have a Quarter Horse filly that is amazing. She is bred out the wazoo and is a beautiful blue roan. Funny story... I was looking at old pictures of when I first got her... I do not know what I saw in this filly! She was so UGLY when I first got her. NOW... now she's beautiful. It is my belief that every horse is good at something. Not every horse was meant to be a show animal. Some are good trail horses, or lesson horses, or backyard horses. I am a young trainer... I can't expect to get all the nice horses right away. I am very blessed to have the horses that I do. I am very thankful for my life and for the opportunity to train the horses I do. There is no reason to be jealous of these people that train with only the best, and go to only the big shows, and get to ride only the nicest horses. I LOVE my horses with their flaws, with their bad behaviors, with their personality quirks. I enjoy them and they will take me some where. BUT patience is a virtue. God's timing is ALWAYS perfect. To be honest, sometimes God's timing drives me up the wall because it's never when I want it to be!! But I have to remember that it's always perfect. It's not sometimes perfect... or every once in a while perfect... it's ALWAYS perfect. And if I am honest and I obey God... He will give me the desires of my heart. "Seek ye first the Kingdom of Heaven and all these things shall be added unto you" - but first you have to seek God's face. Seeking God's face does not mean that you go down the "Daddy To Do" list. It means to have a relationship with Him. Seeking Him... have a conversation with Him... praise Him, worship Him... THANK Him. For being so faithful... and for fulfilling the desires of your heart.
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